As Liz grows up, and matures. I think that she will start to take more and more blame from what goes on in her parents life to the point where t will be too much and only then will she realize that it wasn't. In our lives our parents seem like they are the ones looking out for us when in reality its both ways. They look out for us and we look out for them. But, liz needs to take some of the blame off of herself in order to see that it isn't always her fault and that she can't change the people that her parents are.
I think that this shows very common to most children, being that children know that there parents are human and think the way that a child does when it comes to basic safety and other key instincts. Although I feel that children don't want to think that, we want to believe that our parents and adults are more then they are. When it comes to Liz I beleive that she has been through what no person should have to and just because her parents have fallen to the catogory of lesser than we hope. It is put on Liz to keep her family safe as shown throughout many different situations in the book.
Children blame them selfs for the issues that their parents have because they believe that parents can do nothing wrong them selfs so it must be the kids fault. This can have a very strong impact on the kids mental health in that they might do as their parents did, like doing drugs, or they might bottle up their emotions and have depression.
On page 69, Liz is telling her mom about what Ron had done to her. Her mom gets mad at Ron, not Lizzy, but Lizzy feels like it was all her fault. She feels like she could've called out to her mom, but if she did then things would've gone back to the way things were. She didn't want that to happen, she wanted her mom to stay happy, she was willing to make that sacrifice. I can relate to Lizzy because when my mom had gotten a new boyfriend, I didn't like him. But I was too scared to tell her that because she was happy. I didn't want to make her unhappy so I didn't say anything about it. Relating back to Lizzy, she blaming herself for her parents mistakes, and physical things that had happened to her. She is blaming herself for her moms mental break down, and her dad leaving and everything that happened to him. When it wasn't her fault. Her parents should've been watching her more, and not being so into drugs. Throughout chapter two Lizzy blames herself a lot to make her parents better, or keep them happy. Lizzy shouldn't do that, she shouldn't have to make herself feel bad to make her parents feel better.
Thanks for sharing the personal connection. It natural to sacrifice for the happiness of the people we love, but it may be more than a child should have to bear. Do you think children benefit in any way from this?
Kids do self blame mainly because they ask the question what if. What if I stopped mom before she did drugs what if I didn't let her see this stranger names Ron what if etc. They do this for this basic question "what if" they also know that these are my parents and I look up to the. They know in a kids mind that there parents don't do things wrong and they could never acomplish that because in a kids mind there parents are the best thing in the world to them so there mess ups are there fault not there parents. As we grow older we grow out of that because we start to find that are parents do mess up and what they do is there choice and there mess up. This is a problem for Liz for when she grows up because she might always have self blame and her protecting her parents by blaming herself is how they will be happy.
I think that it is normal for a kid to experience self blame. However Liz is in a different situation. Not many kids blame them selves for there parents taking hardcore drugs. Liz was blaming her self for having the money that she got for her birthday. It was unfair and she didn't deserve to be in that situation, and she felt so bad after words and it definitely will have an effect on her for her whole entire life.
I think that all kids experience self-blame throughout their lives. Liz feels the need to blame herself for her parents actions because she feels like it's her fault that her parents always leave them alone with no food. I personally have experienced self-blame in the past few years during my parents divorce. A lot of times I felt like certain things wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me. I felt like it was my fault that my dad was always so upset in the beginning when my parents split up. I think that Liz will eventually realize that it wasn't her fault when she is older. The consequences that she has to deal with probably wouldn't have happened if she told her mom sooner about Ron. Maybe she wouldn't have had to deal with the many uncomfortable situations that she was put in. I think that at the time she was thinking of future consequences instead of the current ones. She didn't want her mom to be upset with her and leave Ron, because Liz knew what it was like when her mom didn't get any drugs.
The one time Liz spoke up to her mother about Ron sexually abusing her, it had negative consequences. It triggered her mother to have a mental breakdown and she got taken away. On page 70, it's made known that her father was accused of sexually abusing her, and she feels guilty because he never did. When Liz told the truth she could only see the negative consequences, not the good ones. Like the fact that her mother could get some help, and she would be away from drugs while in the institution. I think this situation encourages her to not tell the truth for fear of ruining things. It also might encourage her to be a more pessimistic person.
You make a good point about the natural conditioning that occurs when a child sees something happen as a direction result of something he or she does. Telling the truth here-- and counting as a worthy human being-- seemed to cause the breakdown. This is a simple view of it but one a child would fall into.
I feel like every child expresses self blame in one way or another. In Liz's situation she blames herself for everything negative that happens in her and her parents lives. I think this is primarily when something bad happens that could've been prevented because she just wants what's best for her parents. I also feel like it's almost instinctive for children to blame themselves and not their parents because their parents can do no wrong. Their parents are the role models and when you're told that what you're parents are doing is wrong, you think it can't be possible. Ultimately, I feel like this will lead to Liz lacking confidence in herself. On page 68, Liz says, "I never told anyone that Ma's breakdown was my fault, that I had brought it on by telling what happened." Holding these feelings in will also ultimately lead to depression and sadness. She won't tell people how she really feels and when you bottle things up like she thinks she should, you one day have to let them all out.
You make a good point about the cause and effect relationship between self-blame and secrets and lack of communication. "Coming Clean" may need to be part of the healing process.
Whenever your loved ones start to receive good things, you as a child, do everything in your power for that to keep happening. It is both selfless and selfish when you truly think of why children do this. When your parents or guardians are happy, they are in better moods towards you. At the same time your chances to get presents or little gifts doubles. Moving back to selfless actions, as a child you enjoy spending time with them more when they are enjoying themselves too. Unfortunately some children get into rough situations, ones were to keep there parents happy they have to go through some particularly strange ones. Like when Lizzy is dealing with Ron, she knows that he makes her mother happy, through drugs and she wants to keep it that way. When she opens her mouth and tells her mom, she feels as if she shouldn't have said anything to keep her mother happy. It is hard to believe how skewed a child's thoughts can get to keep their loved ones happy.
You make a really good point about the mind of a child and the simple motivation of getting the most he or she can get. This is why you need adults around who can teach/model certain healthy values like love and generosity.
Throughout her life, Liz is going to carry this unnecessary self-blame and shame. The reason she blames herself is because she can't bear the thought of blaming her parents because she knows that they have a sickness and she looks to them as examples. It is truly sad what Liz has been through and I hope that she can overcome her inner demons.
Kids blame themselves for things their parents do because they feel like they shouldn't make mistakes so in their minds they didn't make a mistake at all and it was actually their fault. In Lizzy's case I think she thought of everything her parents have done and believes that they are unhappy when they are sober and overdosing because of her. I think she'll continue to feel this way to the point of depression and this will affect her later in life with high school and being bullied or tormented when she already has a hard life. Whether her parents are sober or not.
I believe that this experience will benefit Liz. She has lived through the horrors of what can happen when you become addicted to drugs. She knows what it feels like to be a child of a drug addict who feels like they need to care for their parents. She's going to try and make her life and future better not just for her self but her future children.
Throughout chapter 2, its evident that as situations worsen, the self-blame !izzy is feeling heightens. On page 69 where Lizzy is talking about explaining what Ron did to her to her mom, she states that she didn't want to call out for help because she knew that regardless of what Ron was doing to her, he was making Ma's life easier. I feel like this scenario in particular is a huge component to Lizzy's life. Many things could follow the situation; she could follow her mothers footsteps and use drugs to forget,she could end up bottling everything up.
Children commonly belive that their parents are like superheroes, this is certainly not the case with Liz and her family. But the same aspects apply because liz's parents take care of her, in a way. So when a parent is feeling hurt and sad, the child usually blames themselves, which is perfectly natural. Liz's reactions to her mom being upset is natural, but not so much justified in the sense that her mom isn't providing for her.
In this chapter Lizzy is blaming herself a lot just like any other child would in this situation. Lizzy feels the need to protect her parents and if anything happens to them she thinks its her fault for letting it happen. This is a bad thing because later in her life things are gonna happen such as possibly her parents dying and thats going to be bad because through out her life its gonna cause her to blame herself for everything, which could make her depressed and other things. Most kids are like this, like when parents get divorced they try and make it clear that it wasn't the kids fault.
As Liz grows up, and matures. I think that she will start to take more and more blame from what goes on in her parents life to the point where t will be too much and only then will she realize that it wasn't. In our lives our parents seem like they are the ones looking out for us when in reality its both ways. They look out for us and we look out for them. But, liz needs to take some of the blame off of herself in order to see that it isn't always her fault and that she can't change the people that her parents are.
ReplyDeleteI like your point about how we look out for them and they look out for us. We need each other in different ways.
DeleteI think that this shows very common to most children, being that children know that there parents are human and think the way that a child does when it comes to basic safety and other key instincts. Although I feel that children don't want to think that, we want to believe that our parents and adults are more then they are. When it comes to Liz I beleive that she has been through what no person should have to and just because her parents have fallen to the catogory of lesser than we hope. It is put on Liz to keep her family safe as shown throughout many different situations in the book.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteChildren blame them selfs for the issues that their parents have because they believe that parents can do nothing wrong them selfs so it must be the kids fault. This can have a very strong impact on the kids mental health in that they might do as their parents did, like doing drugs, or they might bottle up their emotions and have depression.
ReplyDeleteOn page 69, Liz is telling her mom about what Ron had done to her. Her mom gets mad at Ron, not Lizzy, but Lizzy feels like it was all her fault. She feels like she could've called out to her mom, but if she did then things would've gone back to the way things were. She didn't want that to happen, she wanted her mom to stay happy, she was willing to make that sacrifice. I can relate to Lizzy because when my mom had gotten a new boyfriend, I didn't like him. But I was too scared to tell her that because she was happy. I didn't want to make her unhappy so I didn't say anything about it. Relating back to Lizzy, she blaming herself for her parents mistakes, and physical things that had happened to her. She is blaming herself for her moms mental break down, and her dad leaving and everything that happened to him. When it wasn't her fault. Her parents should've been watching her more, and not being so into drugs. Throughout chapter two Lizzy blames herself a lot to make her parents better, or keep them happy. Lizzy shouldn't do that, she shouldn't have to make herself feel bad to make her parents feel better.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the personal connection. It natural to sacrifice for the happiness of the people we love, but it may be more than a child should have to bear. Do you think children benefit in any way from this?
DeleteKids do self blame mainly because they ask the question what if. What if I stopped mom before she did drugs what if I didn't let her see this stranger names Ron what if etc. They do this for this basic question "what if" they also know that these are my parents and I look up to the. They know in a kids mind that there parents don't do things wrong and they could never acomplish that because in a kids mind there parents are the best thing in the world to them so there mess ups are there fault not there parents. As we grow older we grow out of that because we start to find that are parents do mess up and what they do is there choice and there mess up. This is a problem for Liz for when she grows up because she might always have self blame and her protecting her parents by blaming herself is how they will be happy.
ReplyDeleteI think that it is normal for a kid to experience self blame. However Liz is in a different situation. Not many kids blame them selves for there parents taking hardcore drugs. Liz was blaming her self for having the money that she got for her birthday. It was unfair and she didn't deserve to be in that situation, and she felt so bad after words and it definitely will have an effect on her for her whole entire life.
ReplyDeleteKevin Souls
I think that all kids experience self-blame throughout their lives. Liz feels the need to blame herself for her parents actions because she feels like it's her fault that her parents always leave them alone with no food. I personally have experienced self-blame in the past few years during my parents divorce. A lot of times I felt like certain things wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me. I felt like it was my fault that my dad was always so upset in the beginning when my parents split up. I think that Liz will eventually realize that it wasn't her fault when she is older. The consequences that she has to deal with probably wouldn't have happened if she told her mom sooner about Ron. Maybe she wouldn't have had to deal with the many uncomfortable situations that she was put in. I think that at the time she was thinking of future consequences instead of the current ones. She didn't want her mom to be upset with her and leave Ron, because Liz knew what it was like when her mom didn't get any drugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing from your situation. It seems natural to want to feel some of the blame if only for a sense of some control of the situation.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe one time Liz spoke up to her mother about Ron sexually abusing her, it had negative consequences. It triggered her mother to have a mental breakdown and she got taken away. On page 70, it's made known that her father was accused of sexually abusing her, and she feels guilty because he never did. When Liz told the truth she could only see the negative consequences, not the good ones. Like the fact that her mother could get some help, and she would be away from drugs while in the institution. I think this situation encourages her to not tell the truth for fear of ruining things. It also might encourage her to be a more pessimistic person.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point about the natural conditioning that occurs when a child sees something happen as a direction result of something he or she does. Telling the truth here-- and counting as a worthy human being-- seemed to cause the breakdown. This is a simple view of it but one a child would fall into.
DeleteI feel like every child expresses self blame in one way or another. In Liz's situation she blames herself for everything negative that happens in her and her parents lives. I think this is primarily when something bad happens that could've been prevented because she just wants what's best for her parents. I also feel like it's almost instinctive for children to blame themselves and not their parents because their parents can do no wrong. Their parents are the role models and when you're told that what you're parents are doing is wrong, you think it can't be possible. Ultimately, I feel like this will lead to Liz lacking confidence in herself. On page 68, Liz says, "I never told anyone that Ma's breakdown was my fault, that I had brought it on by telling what happened." Holding these feelings in will also ultimately lead to depression and sadness. She won't tell people how she really feels and when you bottle things up like she thinks she should, you one day have to let them all out.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point about the cause and effect relationship between self-blame and secrets and lack of communication. "Coming Clean" may need to be part of the healing process.
DeleteWhenever your loved ones start to receive good things, you as a child, do everything in your power for that to keep happening. It is both selfless and selfish when you truly think of why children do this. When your parents or guardians are happy, they are in better moods towards you. At the same time your chances to get presents or little gifts doubles. Moving back to selfless actions, as a child you enjoy spending time with them more when they are enjoying themselves too. Unfortunately some children get into rough situations, ones were to keep there parents happy they have to go through some particularly strange ones. Like when Lizzy is dealing with Ron, she knows that he makes her mother happy, through drugs and she wants to keep it that way. When she opens her mouth and tells her mom, she feels as if she shouldn't have said anything to keep her mother happy. It is hard to believe how skewed a child's thoughts can get to keep their loved ones happy.
ReplyDeleteYou make a really good point about the mind of a child and the simple motivation of getting the most he or she can get. This is why you need adults around who can teach/model certain healthy values like love and generosity.
DeleteThroughout her life, Liz is going to carry this unnecessary self-blame and shame. The reason she blames herself is because she can't bear the thought of blaming her parents because she knows that they have a sickness and she looks to them as examples. It is truly sad what Liz has been through and I hope that she can overcome her inner demons.
ReplyDeleteKids blame themselves for things their parents do because they feel like they shouldn't make mistakes so in their minds they didn't make a mistake at all and it was actually their fault. In Lizzy's case I think she thought of everything her parents have done and believes that they are unhappy when they are sober and overdosing because of her. I think she'll continue to feel this way to the point of depression and this will affect her later in life with high school and being bullied or tormented when she already has a hard life. Whether her parents are sober or not.
ReplyDeleteI believe that this experience will benefit Liz. She has lived through the horrors of what can happen when you become addicted to drugs. She knows what it feels like to be a child of a drug addict who feels like they need to care for their parents. She's going to try and make her life and future better not just for her self but her future children.
ReplyDeleteThroughout chapter 2, its evident that as situations worsen, the self-blame !izzy is feeling heightens. On page 69 where Lizzy is talking about explaining what Ron did to her to her mom, she states that she didn't want to call out for help because she knew that regardless of what Ron was doing to her, he was making Ma's life easier. I feel like this scenario in particular is a huge component to Lizzy's life. Many things could follow the situation; she could follow her mothers footsteps and use drugs to forget,she could end up bottling everything up.
ReplyDeleteChildren commonly belive that their parents are like superheroes, this is certainly not the case with Liz and her family. But the same aspects apply because liz's parents take care of her, in a way. So when a parent is feeling hurt and sad, the child usually blames themselves, which is perfectly natural. Liz's reactions to her mom being upset is natural, but not so much justified in the sense that her mom isn't providing for her.
ReplyDeleteIn this chapter Lizzy is blaming herself a lot just like any other child would in this situation. Lizzy feels the need to protect her parents and if anything happens to them she thinks its her fault for letting it happen. This is a bad thing because later in her life things are gonna happen such as possibly her parents dying and thats going to be bad because through out her life its gonna cause her to blame herself for everything, which could make her depressed and other things. Most kids are like this, like when parents get divorced they try and make it clear that it wasn't the kids fault.
ReplyDelete